It's not as bad as it might seem

okay, probably, due to my other posts you'll have a HORRIBLE idea of my life. Yeah, i think so sometimes but, it's not that bad: i got an awesome best friend, the best mom i could have ever asked for, i'm about to have a lil bro/sister, music, i got friends that make me laugh so HARD, great grades, music, awesome guy friends, endless weekends, music...
okay, maybe i've had my heart broken a thousand times, but they say that if you're single it's just because God is saving you for someone special.
okay, maybe i get depressed way too often, but i got my best friend (maria) and my mom to wip my tears off.
BUT on top of all i LOVE to be ALIVE. It's just that i'm a very deep person and so are my feelings.

At the worst and best

she's the only one who understands me & how i feel. She's been there since i have memories, she has always been a shoulder to cry on. But now, I've realized that her life isn't as perfect as i thought, and it's her time to cry and break down. She tells me she has done something horrible. Self-harming. And what do i do? i get scared, i get hurt, because we have some kind of special connection and i'm serious. What hurts her, hurts me twice as hard. We talk about suicide for the first time, but i convince her about that she's not alone, she's got me, and we'll get over this together. Because i think that's what a best friend for a lifetime should do. They say a friend is not a friend until you have laughed, but also cried together. Well, we have cried with no tears, but cried. That's enough. When the rest of the world seems to be against us, we still have eachother. I'd be lost without her, and now i know, she'd be lost without me too. THAT'S love.

have you?

have you ever felt like your life is not worth living? have you ever felt like the worst thing that ever happened to you, is taking away from you all that you loved?
Like, nothing around you is not worthy of a smile. Like, all of a sudden you get everything you've always been fighting for, and as quickly as it came it leaves you, with a broken heart.
have you ever thought of ending all the pain? have you ever thought of how easy it would be? If yes, forget it. Of course life is worth living. If you ever think the opposite, maybe you're right. Maybe your life at THAT moment sucks, and there's nothing, absolutely NOTHING to live for. But then, think carefully. You have nothing to loose. You'll find something.
Just as I did. The only reason i have to live for right now is the dream, and the possibility of a better future. Of a future when i look back and laugh at myself for all the pain and sorrow i'm feeling right now, for such a superfluous matter. Of a future when i can finally, open my heart to someone without feeling fear of getting it broken again. Without being scared of having to heal a new scar. The old ones will never leave me, but they will also not allow me to forget my struggle. They show all the pain i've been through, and remind me of being careful with who i fall in love with. Yep, i wish my heart himself could learn that.