Tell me it's not amazing

Daring

My entire life I have always wanted to sing. Always. But I had never dared to do anything about it, until now. Last year I recorded a video of myself performing Still Breathing, by Mayday Parade, partially, with the intention of showing it to people when I felt ready, and I feel ready now. Also I sang in front of my uncle, and he liked it, though he says I still have to work very hard for my voice to sound as well as it could. Next year I will talk to my musical theory teacher for him to tell me what he thinks of my voice, and since he is a professional, he'll probably know what I can do to improve. If you want to see the video, here's the link to my youtube channel, I would be so glad if you checked it out and liked/disliked it. That's all I ask for, thanks.
http://www.youtube.com/user/HereIsZoee

PS: I probably won't be writing in a while, since I'm leaving to the south for nine days, so yeah, see you afterwards xx

Oh, shit.

It seems that all the people I've met this summer, met me in the wrong time of my life, because I've kept none of them. It hasn't been such a great summer, and I haven't been feeling excellent, so I haven't been behaving normally. Usually I know what to say when, I'm funny and I'm outgoing, but when I feel sad... I'm not so much, I guess. I recognize it's was my fault. But bah. I'll keep meeting people my entire life, I just have to learn from this. Note to self: when you're not feeling right and you're with strangers, PRETEND, or just try never to feel bad enough for it to change your attitude towards life. Life's too short to be anything but happy, they say.
I like to be the happy version of myself, so that I will be. Fuck the haters. I have my best friends, and I know they're always going to be there. The rest just misses it.
I won't change who I am for absolutely no one. I've been through things they probably have never heard about, and it's normal for me to feel out of place when I'm surrounded for the kind of person who has had a happy comfortable life. Our ways of seeing the world are completely different.
When I wanted to survive, I survived. When I get determined to achieve something, I get it. Sometimes it gets longer, sometimes shorter, but I get it. I want to be the intelligent, outgoing and confident girl I would've been if none of what I've been through had happened. And so I will be, because it's my life, my story, and I decide the way it continues.
I am the owner of my universe, and the star of my movie. And I will make it worth watching.

For all the right reasons

On and on and on

Fitting in with the world doesn't seem to be a part of my fate. It doesn't matter how hard I try to, well, keep in touch with them, and to meet new people, it's always the same story. Everyone ends up doing boring things I'm not interested in. Well, actually it's not what they do, it's them themselves. I can go out with a friend of mine who loves taking pictures of herself, but she's an interesting girl, he has more than just a pretty face. I have a couple of friends like that. Also, I have a couple of simple interesting friends, but those are the least. The rest are your everyday people, with nothing interesting or special in them, or at least nothing they want to show.
People sooner or later end up leaving me for some reason. Even my "best friends". I admit sometimes it has been my fault. But most of the time, it's just them. But I've stopped thinking the problem is myself, I just haven't found the right people, those who will appreciate me. Well, no, I have found some of those people, actually, it would be unfair to deny it.
And my mom is as absent as always, I bet she's tired of my shit. I'm getting tired too, since we're being honest, but I don't know how to fix this anymore. I know what I could try to do, but I have already done it, and it hasn't worked so well.
I'll keep living for the change, making use of this abilities I have being given, to fulfill my special purpose, whatever it is.
What I need is out there, I just have to keep on searching.

Hai, dumb cunt

You grow up knowing in your life you are going to find people who will try to make a hell out of your existence. You grow up imagining a thousand ways to get rid of them and keep on living, never imagining how really hard it would be to do so. Maybe because, somehow you love those people. Maybe because, in order to lose sight of them, you need to lose sight of someone you love. Or maybe just because circumstances don't allow you to let out all that which wants to be released.
I'm finding out in the hardest way, the consequence of every mistake I've ever made.

Friends

That show you how much they never deserved your trust. Friends that make plans and promises and share dreams with you, to then run out of time in the last minute. Friends that require you when they need someone, and then despise you when they're fine. Friends that love you in your good times, and abandon you under the rain. Friends that you've never needed. Or wanted.

Friends too scared of everything to share adventures with you. Friends too stick to the shoreline to sail into unknown waters. Too afraid of the risk to take the fall for what they want.

There's only one thing they do for you. They show you your own flaws and make you want to do anything to not be like them. 

Coward. 

Fake.

Unworthy. 

Friends that help you discern between what appears to be and what is.