Astonishing idiot of not mine

I hate looking at guys who would’ve seemed beautiful to me before and don’t anymore, just because I compare them to you, and there’s nothing beautifuler than your gorgeous motherfucking face. I hate listening to love songs because automatically you and your lips come to my mind, and with them the thought -or lets call it knowledge - that they’ll never search for mine. I hate to get asked if I have a crush on someone because I have to lie. And I lie to the few people I dare to tell too, because I don’t like you, I’m in love with you. I hate studying because I remember that I’ll never be smart enough for you. I hate to talk to you because I have to repress the imperious necessity to move forward just a few centimeters more, and caress your feather-smooth face with my lips. I hate to have you sitting in front of me in class because I can’t stay focused at what I should. I hate when you touch your hair. I hate the fact that you’re too perfect. I hate to be left alone with my thoughts because all I can do is make up scenarios of you and me, and I crush harder and harder every time I come back to reality. I hate not being able to sit next to you when I want to, and feel your warm smile. I hate not being who you need. I hate you to be so nice to me most of the time, but I would die if you weren’t. I hate needing you in my life in any way. I hate that you are the first face I search for when I arrive at High School. I hate weekends because I don’t see you. I hate that my eyes don’t need glasses to appreciate all of you, astonishing idiot of not mine.