It's not what I needed, and not what I wanted.

I needed to find someone who'd like my odd self and would find something to love in my flaws. You know what I've got? Someone who likes my looks. He "loves" me for how I look like. I must admit I feel flattered, but I don't like him. He's not the kind of boy I like. Unlike him, I don't only need a pretty face to fall for somebody. Some people tell me not to say NO this soon, because he's the first one to like me enough to even think about asking me out, but I'm sorry. I won't date someone that I don't like. I'm not that kind of girl. I can give him a chance as a friend, but not as a boyfriend when I don't even know him yet, and he's not my freaking type. If he loves me as much as he says, he'll be content with that. If he doesn't, well, then he can fuck off.
I guess I'll have to keep waiting too. 

Busted.

My mom and stepfather saw the cuts. They got angry and screamed at me and, just like I expected, didn't understand a thing. They took away from me my razors, and now any social network is forbidden for me, except this one. Including tumblr, so if you follow me there and you don't know why I don't update it anymore, well, now you know. I told them this was like a diary of mine and so I still can use it.
I know they do all of this for me, because they don't want the cutting to get worse, and want me to get cured. They also believe I am bipolar, but I already knew that.
I love them for caring so much about me, but I hate them because they won't let me cut again, and I absolutely need to, like now. I need that cold steal kiss again. I feel just like always, I mean as 'great' as always. I need it. But what can I do? There's no human way of me cutting now that they know I do it.
What can I do now? I have nothing left.