Poem to desperation.

And here I am now

Alone, just like always

Wishing to die

Knowing I’m hopeless

Nobody cares

I’m not worth the damn

Not even my best friend

Understand what it’s like

I could end it all

The pain, I could stop it

But together with it

My chances of change

Don’t leave me lonely

With my mind, my thoughts

I can’t escape the fate

When I’m on my own

How? HOW?

How can they expect me to believe I'm not bipolar? I took a depression test some days ago and it scored less than 30, which meant I wasn't depressed. Now my amount of points is 64. I wanna die. I wanna die. I can't stand the mood swings anymore, nor the depressions. When I'm okay, my hopes rise way too high, just to crush again, harder every time. I'm alone, I'm stupid, I'm bleeding, I'm crying, I'm more dead than alive, and no one cares. I could stop it all, I could end it all, but I don't want to, I wanna live. I wanna see tomorrows dawn, I wanna get married, I wanna travel, I wanna kiss somebody. But I can't stand the pain anymore. This is gonna be a fateful week, I'm sure about that. I'm grounded until sunday. Will I make it till then? Probably, but more like a zombie than as a human. While I'm here, dying, my mom is in the room next door, laughing, having a good time, after ruining her daughter's life, or more likely, her daughter's existence.  My future seems hopeless, just like my present and my past. My life seems pointless. It'd be much easier if someone killed me. I can't cope with this anymore.

After all this sh*t that has happened all along my existence,

I hate everything and everyone in this world. 

But there's no way out, or no one to escape with.

Hold my hand and run with me. Run away forever, far away from the former me. Run away with me to someplace where no one knows our name, tell me things will change, promise me the happiness I so desperately have been longing to get. Hold my hand and pull me out through my window, lets get on a plane to an unknown destination and don't ever look back. Take my hand and help me escape from the darkness I'm trying to outrun, whisper all I need to hear, I won't stop you. Help me find a way out of this black hole. Tell me we can leave, say we'll survive, bring my hopes up, up high. I need you more than ever, where are you? I need to get out, but I won't leave without you.

THIS.