I thought it was idiotic to even think I might have a BD, because M (my psychologist) would have noticed, but then I read it can go unnoticed for over ten years. I'll pray for my suspicions to be wrong, I wouldn't like to be accurate this time.
At first I thought I was depressed, but I can go from being extremely sad - enough to self harm, even to think about suicide - to an euphoric mood in a matter of days. So depression was discarded. Afterwards I thought of a BPD, because of the self harming, but I didn't coincide with the symptoms. Later I came across the idea of bipolarity, I dig out a bit deeper and what do I find? Oh God, I hope I'm wrong. This has to be wrong. First anorexia and now this? No. It's impossible. What the hell have I done to deserve all of this shit? My mind is all fucked up. This is wrong. I must be wrong.
