Something fateful is about to happen...

I don't know why I'm feeling so good lately, maybe because I'm so tired I'm unable to think straight, or maybe because something terrible is about to happen. It's always that way, and I don't know, through all this "half-happiness" I have a rare sensation in my stomach (and no, it's not that I'm hungry - well, maybe a little). Something bad is about to take place, I'm sure about that. I don't know what it is, I just hope life is not too harsh. I really need a break.

Before I forget.

Hey there people, just before I get down again, I wanna illuminate my dark blog with some happiness. I feel good today, it's been a nice day. He talked to me. Bah, anyway, anything's ever gonna happen, but that's better than nothing right? At P.E I dared to get out of the basketball court and go where I really wanted: with M and A (two friends of mine) to play "football" - the truth is we just took a ball and started kicking it around and running after it, but anyways it was fun! -, and not feel bad because of it. I don't really know what else happened, I just did what I wanted when I wanted without feeling any shame. That's enough for me to be okay. But lets see what happens tomorrow. Will I still be happy? Won't I? Who the fuck knows? But this few moments are worth the sad ones. That's all I know. 

I need a reset button.

I just wanna ask you to forget all that I said about that guy I met that I liked. I never dated him, those two days were as normal as all the rest. That never happened. He doesn't exist, he never happened to ask me out. I've never kissed no one. This is the last post in which I'm gonna mention him. From now on, we're gonna forget that he ever happened, that he ever came along. Love is the excuse of fools. It doesn't exist, just like Santa, or even God. There's nothing more magical than the Cookie Monster in this world. Music is the most beautiful think you'll ever find, because all the fairy tale things people keep searching for just don't exist. It's all a huge lie to fool the littlest kids and make them believe the world is less ugly than it really is. [TO BE CONTINUED SOON]

  

I guess I'm too naïve.

The only truth is that no one stays.

Why would anyone? There's nothing worth keeping in all that is related to me. Nothing worth keeping... Does that mean that my suspects have been confirmed? Am I just a waste of air and space? That's what fourteen years of existence are summed up to be? A waste? 

Uhm, hey.

Yeah, hey.
I just wanted to talk to you guys about some things.
First of all, if any of you ever want to contact me or anything, drop an ask at my tumblr (letmebeasleepforever.tumblr.com), it would really mean the world to me.
Second, I want - I need - to talk to you about what I'm feeling right now. It's not sadness, sorrow or pain. It's love, love and gratefulness. And I feel all of that towards, four men. For marvelous men who saved my life, and who still do it day after day. Those four men worked hard, very hard, to get what they have and be where they are. And one of them, is my inspiration. My role model. That man is called Gerard Way, and the other three man are Frank Iero, Ray Toro, and Mikey Way. They all make My Chemical Romance, and I need to thank them for getting me out of the dark at the worst times. And I need to thank them for encouraging me to pursue my dreams. Their songs, their lyrics, they all give me the hope no one else knows how to. They are my saviors. Some people say they've changed. And they're right. Just like always. In every album, every song, they change. Why? No song, no album is the same as the others. Each one has a different sound, because they were all inspired by different things. Imagine a band who always did the same kind of music, it would end up being tiring, monotone, and it would bore the fuck out of all the fans. Change is good. So please understand.
Finally, I'll give you some updates about my life. I spent 15 days at the south, and now I'm at Lanzarote, where I will stay for 5 more. Apart from all the nice feelings for My Chem, the daily sorrow is still there. The hole in my chest remains unfilled. But now I distract myself making art, reading, writing, or learning to play the piano/guitar. I've decided to make a good use of my sadness, I'm gonna turn it into inspiration, into strength and courage to go for what I want. To fight for it. I read a phrase the other day which is now my favorite: Forget the risk and take the fall, if it's what you want then it's worth it all. Will I be able to make it? I don't know, but that's not gonna stop me from trying. I'm gonna do all in my hand and more, I can do anything it takes. That's my dream.

I drew this.

Gee approves!