Self hatred

I quit cutting for my mom. I quit suicidal thoughts for my sake. I started eating for my future. I took myself out of depression so that I could carry all of those other things out.
Don't ever think I did it because I appreciate myself in any way. I might be happy, but that means I'm content with my life, not with who I am. I don't want to lose my possibilities, that future me which I hope I will be able to love or at least like. I can't lose that, my life would lose all sense. I'm even scared my brother won't love the silly thing of unsound mind he has for a sister.