And once again, just like always...

...nothing feels okay. I feel like I'm losing my best friend. She's alright with me, but I'm not that much with her, we're too different. I'm like this kind of dark, socially awkward, introverted girl and she's like all the opposite. She was shy, she says she's not anymore though. I don't really care whether she's shy or not, but she's always trying to... I don't really know how to explain it. She's just changed too much for my taste, I don't like to wake up one random day and find out this girl I called my best friend has changed completely, from head to toe.
My dream, my absolute dream and aspiration is to form a band and, you know, just try to live doing what I love the most, like I would even drop out of college if I got a good chance, and if it didn't work I could always go back to studying or keep trying, which would probably be what I'd do. She wouldn't. She wants to form a band, but she's not that keen on the idea of taking it more seriously than a hobby. Before I thought I was never gonna make it because of her, because I wouldn't be capable of it without her. Now I know I can live without her.
I like to be independent. I'm never gonna make anyone my everything, because when they leave - and everybody always leaves - you've got nothing left. I'm tired of running after her. I'm done. It almost feels like I can't talk to her about anything anymore, now I have to be careful with what I say. And tomorrow I'm gonna see her. The truth is that I don't mind, she's my best friend in the end, but I don't know what I'm gonna find.
I'm tired.

PS: Bad news (yes, more). I haven't cut lately because I was waiting for that little butterfly I drew in my arm to fade away, though I've desired it at every second. Now I've realized it's already gone.